Fear not! We are sanitizing the language of surprise incidental contacts

We’re taking a cue from the San Francisco Board of Supervisors to take the fear out of societal violence.

Not to make light of a very serious situation that has been caused by the national socialist left. From their predilection to further media contagion to denigrating the culture to leftists actually being mass murders.

We as a society need to address this situation, but not by making it worse and stripping the innocent of their means of self-defense or destroying due process with Gun Confiscation SWATing laws.

There are a number of steps that can be taken without dismantling our basic human rights such as the steps they are taking in Adams County with FASTER –Faculty/Administrator Safety Training and Emergency Response as reported by Fox31 KDVR-TV.

Even subsidizing the 2nd Amendment. But since the left loves to deny reality and distract from problems they’ve caused, we’re going to illustrate their sheer absurdity by applying the same type of nonsense to other criminal acts and inanimate objects.

Engage Satire!

The SF Board of Supervisors is trying to sanitize the language with regard to convicted felons and other dangerous criminals. This is to dial up the absurdity to 11 and apply this kind of ‘PC’ nonsense to the issue of firearms and other weapons – or more appropriately: Tubular object dispersal systems.

Perhaps we should bow down to our betters on the left with their ever-superior knowledge in how to solve intractable problems such as crime. This is true progress, since there will no longer be criminal roaming the streets, only ‘justice-involved persons’ or ‘persons with a history of substance use’.

This has inspired us to get to work and solve other problems of violence – better known as ‘surprise incidental contact’. So comrades, this is a list of the old, discredited terms and their new sanitized versions in no particular disorder:

• Cartridges – single unit object dispenser.
• Gun – Tubular object dispersal system.
• Handgun – Handheld tubular object dispersal system.
• Rifle – Shoulder braced tubular object dispersal system.
• Gun free zone – tubular object dispersal system denial area.
• ‘Assault Weapon’ – Randomly designated tubular object dispensing system.
• Military style – noncivil chic.
• Violence – Surprise incidental contact.
• Knife – Bifurcational hand tool.
• Shooting – Mistimed object dispersal.
• Mass murderer – Surprise contact incident participant.
• Good guys with a gun – incidental tubular object dispersal system operators.
• High capacity magazine – Randomly designated single unit object dispersal clip.
• Chainsaw bayonet [this is for CNN] – segmented plant material bifurcational tool accessory.

So, how would this de-weaponized Newspeak work? Easy, just use this translation matrix – or word corresponding chart – to convert those scary words to the calm and bright PC versions.

Usage example: A military style ‘assault weapon’ would be a noncivil chic, randomly designated tubular object dispersal system. Doesn’t that sound a whole lot better and not as frightening?

No more scary words

Leftists think they are entitled to not be offended and to complete safety, and they don’t care what all of someone else’s God-given rights they have to trample in order to achieve that impossibility. The ‘PC’ sanitization of the language can go to absurd lengths as we have demonstrated.

Now with all of those formerly scary terms recast and sanitized we shan’t need to worry about these events taking place. As long as we’re not caught without our handheld tubular object dispersal system or in a tubular object dispersal system denial realm.

Originally published on the NOQ Report